I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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