Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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