i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
