nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Enjoy the penises
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
