Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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