there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
