After last night, I could never be a politician.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize