so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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