if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
