They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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