Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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