Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
