i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
