arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
