I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
