thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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