Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
