The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
