I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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