i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
