So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
