drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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