My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
