p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
