Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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