...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize