I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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