He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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