I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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