Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
