this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
