I am spending my child support on dildos
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
