His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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