You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
