I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
