Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
