I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
