i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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