Where is the hickey?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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