im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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