u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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