dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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