he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
