Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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