drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
