It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
