Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
