Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
