Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
