He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
