My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I look better un-naked...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
