I'm drive I can fine osifer
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
