I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I woke up under a house in Key West
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