This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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