Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
