From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
