i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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