Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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