I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
