it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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