Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
