She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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