I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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