I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
