I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
