so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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