I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
