you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
