i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
