She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
