Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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