I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
