I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
